Son Gohan: Expert Babysitter
by Jedi Bubbles
Summary: Gohan babysits a 4 yr. old Goten and 5 yr. old Trunks. It's a little stupid and there's a little Gohan torture. Flames allowed. Chapter 2 is up, FINALLY!
1. Default Chapter

Son Gohan: Expert Babysitter

Disclaimer: I own nothing!

When there is 4 pairs of the letter "Xa", it means a break in the story.

Chapter One:

WARNING: If you read any further, I am not responsible for the damage this may cause to your brain. It's incredible stupid, but it's supposed to be that way.

Son Gohan stared at is mom and Bulma in disbelief. He blinked. Gohan then turned and looked at his 4 yr. old little brother Goten and Bulma's son Trunks, who were playing nearby. Gohan blinked again then looked back at his mom and Bulma.

"Let me get this straight," Gohan said. "You want me to baby-sit them?"

Both women nodded eagerly.

"Ano… I don't know," Gohan said. "Aren't they-?"

"Oh, they're perfect little angels!" Bulma exclaimed.

"It'll only be for a day, Gohan-chan!" Chi-Chi added.

"WE NEED A BREAK!" Both cried at the same time.

Gohan thought for a moment before nodding hesitantly. The women shrieked and jumped up and down with joy. Then they profusely thanked Gohan and said that he would be needed to baby-sit tomorrow. After telling him this, Bulma and Trunks went back to Capsule Corp.

XaXaXaXa

(Son house, 8:00 am)

"Okay, Gohan-chan, the boys need to take their naps at-"

Chi-Chi was interrupted by Trunks saying, "I'm a big boy, I don't need to take naps."

"Whatever," Chi-Chi said, waving a dismissive hand. "There's breakfast for Goten in the fridge for when he gets up, lunch is in a capsule on the top of the fridge, dinner's in the capsule next to it, and," she lowered her voice to a whisper, "naptime's after lunch." She raised her voice back to normal level. "Bulma's cell phone number and a list of other emergency numbers is next to the phone. We'll be back by 11:00. Bye-bye, Gohan-chan, oh, and make sure Goten doesn't get any sugar. You remember what happened last time."

Gohan grimaced at the memory.

Bulma bent down and pulled her son into a hug and kissed his cheek. Trunks squirmed and said, "Okaasan, you're embarrassing me!"

Bulma rolled her eyes. "Whatever you say, dear. Now, you be a good boy for Gohan, okay? No destroying things or setting things on fire, got it?"

Trunks nodded obediently. Both women smiled and nodded. They headed out the door, shouting out last good byes and Chi-Chi yelling other random items that Gohan should do during the day. When the door was closed and Bulma's hover car out of sight, Gohan turned to Trunks only to find him not there. He walked back into the house and looked around. He wasn't in the kitchen, so that must mean Trunks was in the living room. Ah ha! There's the little demon child now!

Trunks was sitting on the couch, channel surfing. He stopped momentarily on PBS, but changed it again. The channels appeared only as blurs to Gohan, and he wondered how Trunks was seeing what was on. Finally, the 5 yr. old turned off the T.V. and turned to Gohan. In a very bored, drawling voice, that reminded Gohan a lot of Vegeta, if he had been a 5 yr. old, Trunks asked, "So waddya have to eat, 'round here?"

"Ano… if you want, I can get you something from the kitchen," Gohan stated.

"Okay, Gohan-san."

Now, contrary to popular belief, not all Son men are helpless in the kitchen. Gohan could make scrambled eggs, something he was very proud of considering that his father could hardly even work the microwave. So, Gohan made Trunks some scrambled eggs in saiya-jin portions for his young charge, only to not be able to find hide nor hair of the young boy. He looked in the bathroom, backyard, his mom's room, his room, and Goten's room. Gohan wandered back into the kitchen and gave a surprised jump. Trunks was sitting at the table wolfing through the eggs in a decidedly saiya-jin fashion.

"Where the heck did you come from?" Gohan asked.

"I came from Capsule Corp.," Trunks answered around a mouthful of egg.

"Ha ha, very funny, you know what I mean."

Trunks gave him an innocent smile that Gohan immediately didn't trust. "No, I don't know what you mean."

Before Gohan could say anything, his little brother Goten walked into the room, still looking asleep. He glanced around the table at them and when he saw Trunks he gave a happy cry. "Ohayo gozaimasu, Trunks-kun! What are you doing here?"

"Goten, okaasan told you last night that he was coming over today," Gohan answered before Trunks could.

"Huh? Honto ni(1)?"

Gohan rolled his eyes before nodding at his brother. Goten seemed to be satisfied with this and sat down at the table. Gohan took that as his hint to grab the food that Chi-Chi had made for him. He crossed the room and grabbed the pre-made breakfast from the fridge. It consisted of a healthy portion of pancakes, eggs, bacon, and orange juice. Gohan reheated the food and gave it to his brother, who started to eat it like a man deprived of food for a week.

After breakfast, Goten sat in a corner of the living room, while Gohan worked on his school work. If he had been paying attention, then Gohan would've noticed the way the room had become suspiciously silent and how Trunks and Goten kept glancing at him out of the corners of their eyes. It was only when Goten let out a happy giggle that Gohan glanced up from his work. He only gave them a suspicious glance before going back to his work. This only spawned more giggling from Goten. Again, Gohan looked up but all he saw was Trunks and Goten making silly faces at each other. He raised an eyebrow and went back to his work.

"Oniichan?"

Gohan looked up at Goten. "Hai, Goten?"

"Can Trunks-kun and I watch T.V.?"

Gohan looked at him with a confused expression. Since when did Goten ask to watch T.V.? Shrugging and figuring that Goten was still sleepy Gohan nodded his consent before going back to his studies. A few minutes later, for yet a fourth, Gohan was interrupted from his work, only this time to the most terrifying thing he had ever heard. Slowly, Gohan turned to the T.V. and stared at with an expression of horror upon his face. It was… BARNEY!

He gulped and listened with dread as the words from that infamous song drifted over to him.

"Barney is a dinosaur from our imagination/ And when he's tall/ he's what we call a dinosaur sensation/ Barney's friends are big and small/

They come from lots of places/ after school they meet to play/ and sing with happy faces/ Barney shows us lots of things/ like how to play pretend/ ABC's and 123's/ And how to be a friend/ Barney comes to play with us/ whenever we may need him/ Barney can be your friend too/ If you just make-believe him!"

Gohan gave a grimace and looked over at Goten and Trunks. They were thoroughly enjoying themselves, tapping with and occasionally singing along with the song. He looked at the T.V. and then tried to look away but he couldn't. The stupid purple dinosaur had started dancing around and talking to the kids. The acting was over enthusiastic and cheesy, in Gohan's point of view.

_Oh crap_, Gohan thought. _They're starting another song!_

This torture went on for what seemed like forever to Gohan. Occasionally, and much to his horror, Gohan found himself humming along with a few of the songs. Finally, Barney ended or… it looked like it did. Gohan's eyes widened with horror when he realized it was a two hour marathon. He desperately tried to go back to his school work, only to find that he had somehow gotten tied up. He then did the next logical thing that came to him. He closed his eyes only to have them forced open again. He felt someone shove a couple pills down his throat and when he again attempted to close his eyes, Gohan found that he could not. He made a desperate attempt to try and move his head but couldn't.

"Isn't this a great show, oniichan?"

"Yeah, aren't you loving this, Gohan-san?"

Goten and Trunks looked at him with their eyes glazed over. An insane thought struck Gohan. The show had possessed Goten and Trunks. He contemplated this for a moment until he realized that Goten and Trunks were staring at the T.V. singing the Barney theme like possessed people. If that wasn't an obvious enough clue that he had to turn that T.V. off, then what was? Struggling, Gohan managed to break his bonds. The boys looked over at Gohan and then leapt on him in an attempt to stop him from going near the T.V. This started an all out brawl that Gohan seemed to be loosing.

TBC-

"honto ni" means "really"

Okay, sorry for the very non-Japanese breakfast. I finished writing this at 1 am, so it really isn't that good. I'm also sorry for the shortness of the chapter. I apologize for the cheesiness and stupidity of this, but it really was meant to be that way. And no one diss the Barney part to much, you have no idea what I went through to get those stupid lyrics. shudders I have to say that Barney does not really possess little kids… I think.


	2. Bubbles and Beatles

Disclaimer: I don't own Dragonball Z, it belongs to Akira Toriyama. I also don't own any of the Beatles' songs. They belong to Apple Records… I think.

**Warning:** Some things in this chapter and most of this story are exaggerated for amusement purposes. Soap won't really make you burp bubbles, so please don't eat it.

Chapter Two: Bubbles and Beatles

Gohan had ducked, dodged, and shoved away the two boys while making his was to the T.V. The double team attack was really wearing him down. It made him consider adding more training to his schedule. Finally, after fifteen minutes of struggling, Gohan managed to turn off the T.V.

Goten and Trunks froze in mid-action. Trunks was in flight, halfway to colliding with Gohan's head. Goten was attached to Gohan's leg, attempting to eat it.

"Eh? Oniichan? What happened? Why am I eating your leg?" Goten queried.

Gohan sighed and said, "Don't worry about it, otodo(1)."

"Gohan-san, can you get me a glass of water? I'm thirsty," Trunks said.

Gohan nodded and went into the kitchen. He grabbed a glass then filled it. When he returned to the living room, Goten and Trunks were nowhere in sight. Baffled by their disappearance, Gohan set the glass down on a table then commenced his search for the half-pint, demi-saiya-jins.

They weren't under the couch, nor the table, or the chair. They weren't in the closet, either. That cleared off the living room from the list of places where the kids could be. He made his was to the stairs to continue his search in the upper levels of his house.

_Not in the hallway closet_, Gohan thought.

He went into his room and checked under his bed and in the closet. Not a trace of the boys was found. That only left four other rooms on the upper floor. Gohan checked in his parents' room; not in there either. The search of Goten's room also proved fruitless. That only left the upstairs bathroom.

Almost as if they knew he had found them, a tell-tale giggle reached his ears. Stealthily, so as not to be heard by the little kids, Gohan made his way to the bathroom. Another giggle broke the silence and turned in to full blown laughter. As he got closer, Gohan heard noises that sounded oddly like burping. He opened the door.

Goten was perched on the edge of the bath tub, belching out bubbles. Trunks was seated upon the toilet laughing madly at him. Bubbles floated through the air, popping occasionally when they made contact with something.

"Boys, what the heck are you doing?" Gohan asked through clenched teeth. A vein was visible throbbing on his temple.

"We're making bubbles, Gohan-san," Trunks answered as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"Why is Goten burping bubbles?" The vein was growing larger by the second.

"I ate a bar of soap, 'niichan," said Goten. Every time he spoke a bubble came out with each word, making it difficult for Goten to talk.

"YOU ATE A BAR OF SOAP!" Gohan shouted.

"Yep, it didn't taste half bad," Goten responded. He was beaming up at his older brother.

"Both of you get downstairs and sit on the couch. DO NOT MOVE!" Gohan ordered. "I have to make an important phone call."

The boys were marched down the stairs and seated on the couch before Gohan grabbed the phone and called poison control. The phone rang three times before it was answered. "Moshi moshi(2), this is Yoko speaking, how can I help you?"

"Moshi moshi, ano… My little brother ate a bar of soap and he's burping out bubbles. I'm wondering if that's going to be toxic to him in any way."

"Ah, well, don't worry. Aside from a little indigestion, he should be fine."

"Ah… Domo arigato! Sayonara!(3)" Gohan turned of the phone then faced his little brother and Vegeta's son. Both boys were sitting docilely on the couch, looking at him with wide, innocent eyes. Every now and then, Goten would burp out a bubble. Gohan shook his head and said to them, "I won't punish you for eating the soap, Goten, but could you drink some water? It might help with the bubbles."

Goten nodded obediently and picked up the glass that was previously for Trunks. Speaking of Trunks, he was sitting on the couch next to Goten, squirming around. Gohan didn't notice this until Trunks was practically jumping up and down.

"Trunks, daijoubu desu ka(4)?" Gohan asked.

"Iie(5)! I gotta go potty!" Trunks exclaimed.

"Why aren't you going then?"

"You told us not to move."

Gohan sweat-dropped, he took a mental note to be careful around little kids, especially Trunks and Goten. They take things literally. He waved his hand dismissively. "It's okay now, you can go."

Trunks sprang up and ran to the bath room. A few minutes later he came back, normal and fidget-less.

"Gohan-san, may we watch T.V.?" Trunks asked.

"Hai, but no PBS!" Gohan ordered. He picked up his school books and started working again. The quiet was only broken by the murmur of the T.V. in the background until…

_In the town where I was born/ Lived a man who sailed the sea/ And he told us of his life/ In the land of submarines/ So we sailed on to the sun/ Till we found the sea of green/ And we lived beneath the waves/ In our yellow submarine/ Yellow submarine, yellow submarine/ We all live in a yellow submarine/ Yellow submarine, yellow submarine…_

Gohan flinched. That was one of the most annoying songs in existence. "Boys, what are you watching?"

"Some really hairy guys singing," Trunks answered. "It was in the DVD player, so Goten-kun and I decided to watch it. It's really weird."

The songs changed to another. This one went:

_Oh, komm doch/ Komm zu mir/ Du nimmst ver den Verstand/ Oh, komm doch/ Komm zu mir/ Komm gid mir deine Hand/ Komm gib mir deine Hand/ Komm gib mir deine Hand…_

The four and five year old heard the catchy tune and began to sing along, regardless of the fact they have no singing ability and didn't know the words or what they were saying. Gohan, on the other hand, recognized the song as the German version of "I Wanna Hold Your Hand". Why would his mom have a DVD of Beatles' songs? It hit him. His mom was a Beatles fan and now, he was going to have to listen to a duo of midget kids sing every song on the stupid thing. After all, he couldn't just turn it off. Last time he tried turning off something with Goten singing, it resulted in very high-pitched crying until it was back on.

Song after song, Gohan endured. Every high note or 'oohhhh' was badly out of tune, but the only thing he could do was flinch and grit his teeth.

(this is Gohan's thoughts for the moment)

_C'mon, Gohan_, he thought. _You've endured worse. Let's see, the fight on Namek, the Room of Spirit and Time, training in the wilderness with Piccolo-san, and what else… Oh! Cell games! Yes, the Cell games. _

_Singing really bad… Want to destroy ears! _

_NO! No self harm. You can do this. Just think about fighting! Yeah, let's see… Think about you and your dad training! _

_Squirts singing off-key, ears hurt!_

(end of Gohan's thoughts)

"Hey boys," Gohan shouted over the music. "Would you guys like some candy?"

The DVD was turned off and Gohan was knocked from his seat by the two pint-sized whirl winds. Goten and Trunks nodded eagerly and started jumping up and down shouting, "Candy! Candy! Candy! I want candy!"

They followed Gohan into the kitchen and sat down at the table while Gohan flew up to the top most shelf of the pantry. There was a bag of leftover Halloween candy and Gohan grabbed it. It was full of Reeses, Smarties, SweetTarts, and Gobstoppers. He dumped the bag on the kitchen table and let them serve themselves. Gohan then went back to his studies, not knowing what a terrible mistake he had just made.

TBC-

My funny muse ran away from me! Sorry if this isn't as good as the last chapter! Like I said, muse ran away. Oh, and sorry it took so long to update, I was working on two other fics.

Japanese:

1. otodo little brother

2. moshi moshi That's what they say as a greeting on the phone.

3. sayonara good bye

4. daijoubu desu ka are you alright?

5. iie no

Reviews:

**LordAlucard'sbride: **Thank you! Well, Goku's sorta dead at this time and well, you know Vegeta.

**Applescruffs: **Domo! I didn't really watch the show to get the lyrics. I looked them up online. I've had to brave through many Barney episodes due to younger siblings but I could never understand the lyrics. I'm glad you thought it was funny!

**Fredjoe: **Look above to a response for how I know the song.

**Ace Ryn Knight: **I'm glad you liked it. I've reawakened someone's love for DBZ! You don't know how happy that makes me! Thank you, thank you! Yes Barney is _very_ evil.

**Miroku-has-darkness: **Thank you! I hope I'll update faster next time than I did with this one.


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